That is so funny.
Oh, man, uh...
Fuck.
Just remember to listen to each other.
That'll help you with your cues and all that.
Like, really listen to each other.
And the second is, this is really important to Netflix.
If we want Netflix to be around tomorrow morning when we wake up,
- we gotta fuckin' do the show right. - Who's buying breakfast?
- Oh, fuck. - I mean, that's the way it works.
- That's the deal? - Fuck.
- There's no show unless this goes great? - Yeah.
- Wow, that's... - There's no Netflix.
- They're going to stop being a thing? - Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it'll still be in college. But that's it.
That's way...
That's a lot of pressure on this. We should've had more than one rehearsal.
All right, moving on.
It's going to be good. Everything going good for you, buddy?
- Yeah, absolutely. - You feel good?
- Yeah. Break a leg, everybody! - Thank you.
- Thank you very much. - All right! Places.
I think you should just scramble!
Um... Hey, don't record stuff. You know, it's fun to do that.
Don't...
Don't do it because we are taking care of it with these expensive cameras.
It's all... We thought ahead. We're like, "Let's rent cameras."
Let's not rely on the audience to
make some sort of Beastie Boys documentary of the show.
Right? You get that reference, sure.
- Are you ready backstage? - Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello
to the stars of With Bob and David,
Bob Odenkirk and David Cross!
David Cross and me... and...
many of the writers from Mr. Show, not all, but most,
and many of the performers from Mr. Show,
but also new people, are gonna do all new sketches and, uh...
a new kind of sketch show.
It is different in that it's certainly more contemporary than Mr. Show was.
And structurally, it's a little different.
We don't come out...
Well, you'll see, or have seen, I assume.
Although, it might be interesting to watch this and then go watch the four...
But it might be too late.
You might...
It will either be occurring... I have no control over it.
Shows to schedule and figure out.
There's plenty of work for the production.
I just mean, we...
Well, we've got enough... We got the material, you know?
Yeah, but we're still, you know...
It's not gonna be simple,
like, making all those things flow into one show.
I mean, you remember.
Yeah, but we're not gonna spend the day doing a fucking...
- Right, one way. - ... transition.
I was watching 'em.
There are definitely...
There are a good number of times where it's literally just...
Commercial.
Hurling out of a poster or just the tiniest...
You can tell we spent way too much time...
- We're like, "Fuck it." - Are we going? Are we reading?
Where are those guys?
- Here they come. - Good old Stage A.
Ah, the theater.
-The old television theater. - Ah, the hallway.
- The hallway. - My domain.
Ah, the domain of the hallway.
I mean, if you...
The acting.
Sad writers.
Oh, my God, guys, this sketch is fixing to happen.
Look over there, we got Jill Talley, John Ennis, Scott Aukerman...
Brian Posehn, Mary Lynn Rajskub.
It's just been really cool to see those guys back doing the thing
that they were born to do, I think,
which is get in front of crowds and act silly
and really sell these pieces.
This is an amazing group of people that we have together,
and I think, David and I reconnecting with them to do new material
has been more exciting and...
surprising and energizing than anything we expected.
They said, "Hey, it's been 20 years." And that's all I needed to hear.
And then I just had to sit down and take a minute.
Everyone is bringing, you know, 16 years of maturation and experience,
so we've both come into this thing going, "Man, this is fucking fun.
We really wanna do it. It's really enjoyable."
Four, three, two...
Tonight, live on Shark Kitchen.
Three chefs compete in culinary kung fu.
Each course must feature shark, and three other items.
Tonight, they are a cup of water, Chinese pepper radish,
a second cup of water.
It was amazing how quick we just slipped right into it,
with... with no talk about long ago or any reminiscing bullshit.
It was just, "Here's an idea, let's read it,
let's fix it, let's make it better."
You can't have as much fun with every aspect of the show.
You have to pick that one aspect.
And I think that maybe what you do is you go to the first guy.
First guy's just a single dad.
You go to the second guy, he has a fucked-up hand.
You go to the woman, she's deaf.
You go back to the first guy, who's like,
"Can I say one more thing? I also... " And he knows he's in trouble.
And it just becomes like,
"Okay, back to the show." "One more thing!" "Oh, fuck."
And then you come back, you cut back,
and the guy is, like, on the cell phone.
"What? It's cancer? Sweetie, I...
Our daughter has just... Cancer as well, so we're just... "
- She's gonna get cancer. - She's in the process.
Or you come back to him.
Yeah, shouldn't he maim himself. Cut his ear off or something?
Yeah, yeah, or you come back and he's cutting the last bit of his hair off.
He's like, "I'm bald."
That's pretty sad, right?
Yeah, that's worse than being deaf.
That's worse than being deaf! Sharks are circling. Let's go!
All right, the sharks are circling, let's get cooking.
And we're out of time.
Fuck!
Okay, this is Gilvin Daughtry, uh, with Citizens Against Unlawful Abuse,
and I am being made to stop at what looks like an impromptu checkpoint,
here on the corner of Racine and Wellington.
It's the video of, you know...
We have a sign, slow down, checkpoint, whatever,
and the cop is there,
so the camera's going through the window to this cop.
- I'm sorry. - Now the cop is in frame.
It's his POV.
Like, it's my taking my camera, going like this.
Here's my window. "All right, this is Gilvin Daughtry."
So, you're gonna see the cop. We're gonna see him in frame.
Why am I being detained, Officer?
You have a legal right to know why you are being detained.
No, nope, just a routine sobriety check.
I was gonna wave you through, actually, but then I saw you weaving in the lane
and thought you might be fiddling with your cell phone.
No matter how awesome a take or brilliant a take is on a certain topic
that Bob or David might have,
it's always couched in this beautiful...
I believe "zany" is the word, or silliness is embraced.
Nonsense is welcome, goofery and that type of thing.
But also, their attention to detail with the writing
and the structure of the jokes a lot of times
was a very refreshing thing
and exciting because it was...
You know, a lot of times, I'll watch a sketch,
and I feel like people are fudging through it,
and it doesn't have that sort of crispness that...
You know, "This joke has to be told this way."
But then, on the other hand, I don't like people being real Nazis about that,
and no offense to Nazis, of course.
And then, "All right, you can go." Cut him off.
"All right, you can go." Right here.
- Oh, so lose all this? - Yeah.
But then what does he say when the cop walks away?
Does he turn to camera and go, "Okay, um... "
- "Must be a new guy." - "Must be a new guy."
Okay, well, sometimes, some of these officers are new
and don't know the exact concept of what they're supposed to do.
Uh, so...
I love that he's pursuing it and that he's a real cop,
and he's really gonna show you what really happens,
and he's not getting the response he wants.
And also, David, could he keep going back to the same cop?
"Okay, drive on." And then, like...
He reappears at the same checkpoint.
He goes around in a circle.
- Okay, yeah, yeah. - And, like, right.
Yeah, he goes back to that black cop.
And you, yeah.
Sir, you're free to go through. You can just go on through.
Sir, please, Officer, I'm cooperating fully.
Here's my license and registration.
Okay, that's fine, yeah. I saw those already.
So you can go on through, and have a nice day.
Okay, I'm not required to have a nice day, Officer.
No, I suppose you're not.
Do you need help?
I think what was unique about their style
and what appealed to me
when I saw them for the first time, was...
It just really seemed like there was, to sound super pretentious,
but like, a generational shift of comedy.
Having grown up...
At the age I am, sketch seemed just very safe.
And those guys just seemed like they could do anything
and tackle any subject
and make things that were offensive really funny.
I didn't know until I started to work with them just how much craft went into that
and how it just seemed to me like they were hilarious, offensive dudes,
who loved pushing the envelope.
And then he goes to the black officer
and then goes back to the black officer with blackface.
- What if he... Yes! - Yeah.
What about that, David? He goes and gets blackface on?
It looks good. Oh, my God.
That'd be a good name for the show.
Bob and David Minstrel Show.
Minstrel Show with Bob and David?
If you say it quickly enough, it's Minstrel Show with Bob and David.
So just start screaming and throw him to the ground on "action."
- We are rolling. - We're rolling and action!
Officer, this is being taped.
- Oh, is it really? How's this? - Yes.
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
Ooh. Oh.
Oh, hey, watch your boots.
You do have the legal right to vomit.
That's completely in your rights.
Here, let me wash it off your face a little.
That's good.
This is Gilvin Daughtry, for Know Your Rights video,
saying, that's a wrap!
Okay.
Oh, look who's here. It's Bob Odenkirk from the show.
I'm guessing from Bob's posture that a comedy scene is about to happen.
I'm sure you can guess from the fact that I have paper,
this is the Old Timey News.
... a trio, but two of 'em are the straight men,
and one of 'em is the comic.
- Yeah. - It's just really unnecessary.
The extra straight man.
They're fighting over the fact of not...
An extra straight man was found in an old Abbott and Costello video.
They were billed at the time as...
Simpson and Abbott and Costello.
Simpson basically echoed Abbott's, uh...
- Abbott and Simpson got into... - ... frustrations.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Constantly getting into arguments. - "Costello, tell him!"
"I'm telling him."
- "Tell him." - "No, I'll tell him."
"You tell him."
What about an extra guy in a horse costume?
We have a very healthy, democratic writers' room.
There's no... The hierarchy, of course, is 'cause you have to have someone...
in that position, but it's Bob and I.
We know when to move on. We know when to, uh...
We don't wanna belabor a piece,
but we wanna give it its time to see if anybody's coming up with an idea.
What about an extra Mormon Tabernacle Choir,
like a whole... Another choir?
Three hundred people who were unknown until now,
singing in the other room.
Extra Chicago Seven? Extra...
I think extra Three Stooges and they're just...
They were just there in case the Three Stooges...
- Got sick? - Got sick?
Their understudies.
Or they were in a movie that no one saw,
called The Other Three Stooges.
Well, Beatles are...
Gordie McIntosh, extra Beatle, dead today at 72.
His daughter said he died as he lived, peacefully, with no pain and no fame.
The family asked that nobody send nothing nowhere
in memory of his life's work.
Yeah, I agree. Dino? Dino?
Uh-oh. Hold the presses.
- No, no, we're gonna cut that. - Yeah?
- Keep going, Dino. - Okay.
- Ditch that.
- We did. - I'm gonna warn you, okay?
And then one more possible cut.
I just wanna talk to the guys about it real quick.
- Go ahead. - Should we say, "Dead at 72"?
"The family asks that nobody... " Lose...
- "No pain, no fame"? - "No pain, no fame."
- Yeah, I'm okay with that. - Yeah, and then we're also gonna lose...
And I don't know who's writing this down.
- He's doing it right now. - I'm doing it right now.
I'm passing it to the booth. Everyone's gonna have it.
"Gordie McIntosh, extra Beatle, dead today at 72."
Lose the rest of that line up to the period.
And then start on, "The family asks that nobody... "
Okay, so it goes,
"Dead today at 72. The family asks that nobody... "
- Yup. Got it. - Internal.
Gordie McIntosh, extra Beatle, dead today at 72.
The family asked that nobody send nothing nowhere in memory of his life's work.
Dino is easily, outside of Bob and I, the most invaluable person.
It would be difficult to do...
I mean, obviously, we could do the show without him,
but it would be... it wouldn't be the same thing.
And he was always a really important tiebreaker in the beginning,
when we were all first starting.
Bob and I would have very different ideas about something,
and we both trust and respect Dino so much,
and we'd both turn to him, like, "What do you think?"
We'd listen to him, and then we'd be like, "All right, okay, fine."
And now, like, just straight Ketel?
Sometimes, it tastes too sweet. I'm like...
- "Hmm, do I go to grain alcohol?" - You gotta start adding salt.
- Sea salt. - Adding bitterness to your vodka.
Just adding... more alcohol.
Yeah.
I don't like the taste of vodka, I've realized.
- That's why I drink it with a straw. - After drinking vodka...
'Cause when you drink it just with a glass,
- it just goes all over your taste buds. - Right.
- You just wanna get it down you. - This way, it shoots down your throat.
You just want it straight in. You don't want any of the...
- No. - ... flavor.
He's a scientist about... I mean, yeah. This is how you gotta do it.
- Yeah, I'm a scientist. - Yeah.
One man, one mind, that changed the world.
Einstein, the man, the mystery.
Einstein is bored with the chatty folks
and glances over to see a...
What is she like... What do they call the... Flapper.
Flapper.
There were no fucking flappers. It's, like, the '40s, right?
Right, right, yeah, flappers is the...
- The '20s, yeah. - What's a flapper?
Is it too much to allude to, like,
when she flirts with him and smiles, she just does a silly, like...
- No, no, that's good. - And he's just, like...
He just turns red and whatever. A little scared.
Einstein hesitantly sticks his tongue out.
Just a little bit.
And then scared.
Retracts it back into his mouth.
Scared. Retracts it.
Some newsboy runs into the room.
"World War II is over!
Atom bomb saves the day!"
Everyone cheers,
but he is only looking for the girl, and she is gone.
Exterior college campus. Einstein and the flapper are having tea.
"Oh, I'm just a stupid old flapper."
Flapper.
"All my friends stopped doing this 20 years ago."
"Flapping around."
"You're modest. I'm the one who's stupid.
A stupid genius. If I could only have your smile."
"Smiles are a dime a dozen.
I'll give you my smile. Watch me dance."
She's just a fucking...
stupid idiot.
- "Look at me go." - "Look at me flap."
"Look at me flap!"
She starts doing the...
She stands and starts...
doing the Charleston, that stupid fucking dance.
Interior, office.
Einstein is working
late into the night.
- Numbers and tongues. - He can't get it. He can't get it.
So now everyone knows where this is going, right?
Yeah, yeah, now we gotta end it.
- Yeah. - And we should.
Should we have the scene with him at the doctor,
and the doctor says, "Stick out your tongue."
He's real tense.
He finally sticks it out, and he sees himself in the mirror or something.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
- Should we... - Like, "I have to go!"
So funny. He's running around with his tongue out.
He can't put it back until he finds her.
How does he get his picture taken?
Does she have a camera, and she's taking pictures?
I think he can't find her, and then he sees the Bill Palmer studio...
Runs in there and gets his picture taken.
Runs in, yeah, gets it taken.
Is it...
Here's my question about roosters, and anyone can answer this question.
Do they forget what the sun is?
And so every day, they're like, "What?
I gotta spread the word."
Or are they in charge...
Do they feel like they're in charge of everything,
and when everyone is awake?
Because if so, guess what, rooster?
Uh-uh.
If I have a vote, and I feel like I do, because human beings outrank birds.
Sorry, birds.
If there are birds in the audience... I mean, there might be.
People have fucking wine somehow.
Paul, introduce the clip.
Thank you, I will. Thank you.
Folks, I'm being asked to introduce a clip.
This clip takes place on the screen,
and I think you'll find that it was pre-taped at an earlier time.
Right.
I understand.
I did too many drugs.
Okay.
I did too many drugs.
Local access network.
Hey, I don't mean to interrupt your phone call,
but, David, look, I did too many drugs.
Send it to MTV, man. We'll get a show.
- We'll get a show on MTV. - I did too many drugs.
We had a lot of mutual friends.
And then I didn't really hang out with him until I came out to Los Angeles
to be a mid-season writer's replacement on The Ben Stiller Show.
And we wrote up three scenes. Had a great time writing.
I had never, ever,
and still to this day, never so immediately connected
with somebody in a writing sense.
And I saw that Bob, uh...
Someone's talking about how good I am,
and how I know everything about comedy.
- What was the name... It was The Upfront. - Steve Allen taught me everything.
No, The Upfront Theatre, right?
- In Santa Monica? Yeah. - Yeah.
- So, David... - Yeah?
Why are you being Mike McFee in the transitioning thing?
The 1942... There's no reason you need to be that.
- Just be a sportswriter. - Yup, absolutely.
So can you just be...
- Yeah, just change the thing. - ... Mike McFee, sports theorist?
No, Mike McFee, Jr. Mike McFee III.
Mike McFee, Jr. III, sports theorist... Author.
- Sports guesser. - That is... No.
- Uh... - Sports hypothesizer.
- Sports prognosticator. - Pronouncer.
- Sports... - Sportstalker.
Sportstalker and author of When Sports...
Fifty Things I Learned in Kindergarten.
It's gotta be a sports thing.
"And author of When Sports Were Good."
Yeah.
- "Sportstalker, author of... " - Mike McFee, Jr. III...
Okay, cool. Great.
There's a little insight. There's a little bit.
Sometimes when people meet up
and they groove on each other and they write together and...
And then it kind of falls apart, you get too close,
you know each other's, uh... shortcomings too much.
You get annoyed with the other person's working manner, the way they work.
Um...
It hasn't happened for us.
I mean, we just...
He just makes my stuff, like... I'm gonna say eight times better.
Like, it's pretty amazing how much better it gets.
And he's just very funny.
He's one of the funniest guys I've ever met.
Um...
Yeah, maybe the funniest.
Yeah.
I don't like this wig.
- Well, Bob's first. He's up. - I got Bob.
Help me out.
I should pick up the pace. I apologize.
Could you see... Wait, how do my eyes look?
Like, my eye line, is it all right?
- Oh, yeah. - Oh, good. Fuck!
- You look great. - All right.
I think it's a little dark.
I just meant my, like... I hope I'm not looking down too much.
- Looking away. Okay, okay, great. - No, no.
It was a mostly off-camera role, but if you look closely,
sharp-eyed viewers will note,
Victor French painted into many of the murals on Mr. Show,
known for its many murals.
It was an effort to compete with Venice, Italy.
Mural Town, USA. What?
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
now look at this thing happening right in front of your fucking faces.
You're watching Judge George "No Nonsense" Jackson,
where real people bring real cases
in front of retired California circuit court judge, George Jackson.
And no nonsense is ever allowed.
"Tonight, Judge 'No Nonsense' Brown is on vacation.
Filling in will be Judge Sandy Whistleton, retired fourth... Sixth... Fourth... "
Sorry, "Florida Sixth Circuit Court."
"All right. These are new. I haven't... This is like... "
"All right, then, okay, who do we have here? All right!"
"Judge Sandy Whistleton" was initially...
It was one of the pieces when we just got together for the first three weeks,
and it's a very important part of the process and one we'll never lose,
which is, Bob and I meet for two, three, four weeks
before we ever go into a writers' room.
And just the two of us talk about ideas informally, shoot the shit,
"Here's some ideas I was thinking about. Here's a sketch I wrote."
And just write ourselves, right? The two of us write...
The two of us form one, kind of, comedy head, which is what you're seeing.
And then I think I came up with the idea,
"Let's make it like a People's Court thing.
Just put that... "
So then, we were writing, and then we were just...
One of those great magic times when we're writing,
where we're just making each other laugh, bending over.
We just laughed for three hours, harder than we'd laughed in years.
I mean, it was insane. It was so much fun.
I wish I had a tape of that whole...
I would just listen to it over and over again.
And then we just had fun making that character and...
That was a really fun piece to write.
"I thought this was a no-nonsense zone."
"See, you don't listen. I'm the fill-in, right?
I'm not George 'No Nonsense.' That's his thing.
I'm 'Some Nonsense, ' okay?
Keep it light. Pay attention, kid. It'll do you wonders.
Get your nose out of YouTube and get with the show.
I find in favor of the defendant, whatever he wants."
"I find in favor of the defendant, whatever he wants.
Find out what he wants. Give it to him. On me."
Leaves.
I will say that there was, in general, a greater degree of nonsense,
well, in quantity, than I expected there to be.
Thank you.
Chazz, the ruling did go your way. What's your reaction?
I found it to be the exact right amount of nonsense.
Yay...
We made people watch that.
Now, that's what I call a real nightcap!
Boo!
All right.
Judge George is brought to you by Prilo-Vac.
Honey, it looks like Herschel's again.
When you eat like a giant baby with money,
your stomach can feel like Dante's Inferno.
That's when even the pope reaches for Prilo-Vac.
Yee-haw!
Whoo-hoo!
Bless me, Lord, I can eat like a fucking idiot with no repercussions.
Fun.
The debate is whether you want freshies or stale donuts.
The stale ones will split, but they're stiffer and easier to work with.
The soft ones, obviously, are a little more malleable,
and you can get them around the corndog.
Who... There's no book on this.
I can't believe how much fucking work it is
to just have the pope riding an ATV.
You think like, "It'll be a few seconds of a guy in a fucking ATV.
You just get up on the ladder and shoot... " And look at this.
Turn around and look at what this...
The effort that goes into shooting just that.
Are you saying that's when it started to turn around?
Till 1870...
What were people not washing their hands before,
if they weren't washing their hands before doing that?
What?
They were rubbing them in shit before they ate.
Well, vigorous wiping of hands was strongly encouraged,
but not with any moisture involved.
And "shake the dirt off" was a popular term of the day.
And blowing. Blowing your...
Oh, yeah, blow. Ready to go, yeah.
Where's that heart?
Well, Rivers did this with an apple the other day.
And I'm like, "Does that really... "
- Your shirt seems dirtier than anything. - You're not...
Shines it up so you think you're eating something clean.
Gets the pesticides off.
Off your shirt?
Yeah, either way.
I wash all my clothes with apples.
It's a mutually beneficial sort of action.
And my shoes with bananas, first.
"Better Roots" was a lot of fun
because it was such a crazy, goofy character.
And that was a situation where I feel like
we should have and could have played some more.
A little bit too much attention was on the wrong details occasionally.
That's what ends up happening in the editing room.
We just throw out all these things
that we spent hours and hours and blood, sweat and tears on,
and you just throw it out because "We just said that," you know.
We just showed that. We just set this up.
We don't need to have, you know, eight examples of setting this up.
You don't know nothing about nothing, they talked to nobody no how, is that it?
Yes.
Well, good.
Then I musta got the right helper.
You got something special in your pay packet.
Open it up.
"Good for one free hug."
You wanna collect on that now?
- I would, sir. - I'm so glad you said yes.
Come on, Greeb, get in on this hug.
- All righty. I'm in there. - Come on, Greeb.
- I need a friend. - Nobody hugs like old Greeb.
He just thought he was getting money.
The music starts up and they start dancing around.
- And that's it. Yeah, and... - Cool, I can do it.
Wait, I just thought of something.
And then we just have "The End" and credits roll.
We stop right there.
It's just like "The End," credits and then we stop.
So wait, now. We have additional scenes, but...
Yeah, that's the ending. There are other scenes.
The first clip they show is the end of the movie.
"Whoops, didn't know I was giving away the ending."
"Oh, shit! I gave away the ending."
- "Well, now everybody knows... " - I should have said "spoiler alert."
- This piece is gonna be fucking awesome. - Yeah.
God damn it.
You know what's great? It's so great that it gets to go back to that live thing
and that people are just talking, chatting.
- "Let's go chat now." - Yeah, yeah.
- It keeps going. - Yeah.
It keeps being majestic.
"Tomorrow night, on my show,
America's premiere sci-fi director, Kyle Buggins,
who, in only a few short weeks... "
"... made the highest-grossing... "
You should poke into her camera...
"Highest-grossing film of all time,
Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robot performers... "
- That's hilarious. - Am I in the shot?
That's good. Okay, cut.
I like using the "Form" to mean something, but I don't...
"Performer" doesn't jump out at you as...
"Transsexual" is they're... they're transforming their sexuality.
- All right. - How about this?
"Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robots that can...
- switch their sexuality at will." - Lovely picture.
I don't think that's better than just
- "transsexual robots." - Could we try it?
Could we try it once?
- Uh, sure. - Sure.
"Can switch sexual identity at will and then switch back also."
Fascinating.
"Trans-Form-Bots, about transsexual robots
that can switch their sexual identity at will, and then switch back."
"Also."
"Also." And then also switch back?
- Or not be robots. - "And then switch back also."
- "And then switch back also or not... " - "... or not be robots."
- "Or not be robots." - "Or not be robots either."
"Or not be robots either, even."
Okay, you want to hear the whole thing?
Yes, I do.
Fascinating.
"Tomorrow night, on my show,
America's premiere sci-fi director, Kyle Buggins,
who has, in only a few short weeks,
made the highest-grossing film of all time, Trans-Form-Bots,
about transsexual robots that can switch their sexual identity at will
and then switch back also,
or not be robots either even."
Come on, man. That's gonna kill.
That's hilarious.
All right.
Brian, come write Seinfeld stuff with me.
Okay.
I don't wanna write...
I gotta write Seinfeld-Star Wars jokes?
This job sucks.
"I just wanna know, what's the deal? What's the deal with stars?
What's the deal with stars?
Why are we always fighting over them?"
- "What's the deal with the Force?" - "With the Force."
- "You can't see it." - "It's supposed to be with you,
but then... " Uh...
"You can't see it.
Oh, if you can move stuff, why can't you put your clothes away?"
Come on, help me out here. It could get worse.
"Come on, R2-George-2,
we have to save C-3P-Newman from Darth Kramer."
So they're betraying their country,
and then at the end of everything, a millionaire's like, "Here you go, $1."
What?
I forgot, my one-man show is starting.
"Well, the soil's good here. I think we'll stay for a while."
All right, standby, cameras.
- All right? - Welcome to the jungle.
Greetings, Mr. Jacobs.
Welcome to my island.
"Greetings, Mr. Jacobs.
I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here to this remote little island.
Allow me to enlighten you.
You see, in my lifetime, I've bagged every game
from the behemoth black rhino to the elusive Bengal tiger.
The only creature on Earth remaining for me to hunt... "
The human animal.
"In the spirit of good sportsmanship,
I've decided to give myself a small handicap.
I will have but one, single bullet.
Also, I will be blindfolded.
Also, I will drink three bottles of cough syrup,
which should dull my senses.
Also, I will wear a fishbowl over my head filled with poisonous scorpions.
Also, I will have my feet bound together, be stripped naked,
be draped in sausages and be set upon by ravenous dogs."
I wrote a really short version of that.
And when I read it to the room, Bob and David were like,
"Well, that should be a longer sketch.
There's room for more involvement between these two guys."
"Well, it's easy for you, with your gun and your...
I'll be running around naked."
"You won't be naked, I'll give you clothing."
"I'll be naked."
"I'll be naked. In fact, I'll be naked."
"Except for these high-heels, stiletto heels."
"There's no way I can keep my pants on with this hard-on."
But it's all justified.
It's like, "You'll see clear enough out of those...
Over the top and the bottom of the blindfold."
"I shall wear a fishbowl on my head."
"Clear enough as it will be, might even make your vision better."
"You should have my gun and I shall have a bow and arrow,
which I've never used in my life."
"Easy enough for you." He just keeps saying that.
If some idea's not working or if we're not quite finding it,
if the guy who wrote the first draft isn't finding it, um...
anybody else... Bob will often chime in with, like,
"You know what? Let me take a run at that. I got an idea for how to go with that."
And that never happens on other shows.
"I haven't eaten in weeks."
Or you know, "Well, I haven't eaten in three hours."
- "I shall cook you a banquet." - "I'm quite low on... "
- "Let me whip you up something." - "Yes."
- "What do you like?" - Yeah.
He's got his chef hat on.
"I'm going as fast as I can."
"You are the most dangerous prey."
"The hungriest prey, I'll say. I got two roasts, a goose."
"Easy enough for you, I'm a vegetarian. I have been for some time."
"Why didn't you tell me? I have a turkey in the oven."
"Well, now it's gonna go to waste."
"Easy for you, I have this hard-on I can't get rid of."
"I'll jerk you off."
While he's cooking,
"The black rhino never made me do all this."
"Easy for you with the hands, use your mouth,
then let's see how you do."
"I'm giving you a blowjob."
"I'll see who lives through this night."
Jesus Christ.
I was thinking about Mr. Show and Bob and David,
and the kind of things that we do and that we're doing in this new show.
And I think one of the things that's cool about us that I'm proud of,
is the variety of comedy that we like and like to do and pursue.
And I was thinking about sketches that
are like Chris Guest's type thing, like, maybe "Salesman."
That's a great example of what this team of brains can do to a piece.
It has so many more layers in it now than it did.
- Your shovel's ready to go... - I can do that.
- I was selling peyote. - To who?
Housewives.
The problem is, in the morning, first house, how does it work?
It works like this. You make a button out of it
and then you chew it up...
- Yeah. - Two hours later, I can't remember...
I don't remember whose house I'm in, what I'm selling...
You're tripping balls and you don't care what's going on.
Who you are, who you are.
I think the bigger idea is really great.
He's trying to sell Qu'rans in America, just, like, hometown America.
He's getting the door slammed in his face.
He's got a shitty attitude.
These leads are shit!
It's a horrible, oppressive energy around these salesmen...
which is so fun to play. It's so fun to play that pain.
This is great. Did you hear what he said about the mosque?
I never got this far in a sale, kid.
I don't know what to do.
I'm gonna go wait in the car.
And just to mix that in to comedy
is to get people to feel, and not in a maudlin way,
genuinely feel sorry for that guy.
Not like, you're supposed to feel sorry for him, but like,
"Oh, shit, I feel terrible."
It's just a really cool thing that we did and not many people do.
But that all comes from story, that all comes from...
I feel like David's willingness and just inspiration
to do story in a sketch.
That's great.
That's some good fly.
Boston Public, I think, was the name of the show.
And there's another one about law people. Or was that the one about law people?
We'll never know, because David E. Kelley is a mute.
Did you know that?
He had his tongue cut out in a religious ceremony
when he married Michelle Pfeiffer.
She belongs to a weird religion.
Oh, hi, Mike, how are you?
Guys, we're in the home stretch of the show.
I know that it's unpleasant to wait for so long because you came here,
and you thought the show was, like, a half hour show
that was gonna be over in ten minutes.
That was unrealistic, guys.
"Heaven is Totes for Realz."
"He's been called the miracle squirt.
The book, Heaven is for Realz,
with a picture of Cory, arms stretched out... "
He's a little kid, sorry. He's this five-year-old, six-year-old kid.
"... smiling, looking up toward heaven, flies across camera."
Aw...
Were you excited to go to heaven?
Yes, I was excited because everybody was there.
God said he loves all of his children.
Aw...
I remember that there was a golden light.
"And God wanted me to come to him where the light was."
"Oh, wow. Wonderful... "
"Everyone was there. I got to play with everybody.
All my old family and a baseball player named Babe Ruth."
You got to meet Babe Ruth?
- Yeah. It's all in the book. - Yep.
And a girl I played with named Anne Frank.
"And a man with a funny mustache named Hitler,
and Mother Teresa, and... "
"Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Did you say 'Hitler'?"
"Yeah, his name was Adolf Hitler and he had a funny mustache
and he talked funny."
When you say, "His name was Adolf Hitler," a little less attitude.
Like, "I'll tell you this... "
Do more like...
"Yeah, his name was Adolf Hitler."
Yeah...
"Adolf Hitler."
Yeah, yeah. Without... Yeah.
You're letting them know, like, "Oh, maybe they're mistaken."
They don't... "Oh, this was Adolf Hitler."
- "Jesus said he loves all of his children. - Aw...
But Jesus has one special boyfriend. They would hold hands and kiss."
"Well, not kiss like Mommy and Daddy."
"Yeah, like you guys, with your tongues and stuff."
"But it was a girl you mean?"
"No, he's a boy. His name is Muhammad.
He's sort of black.
- I can draw a picture of him if you want." - "No."
I think the thing is that the other killers are there.
I know that Jesus kissing Muhammad will make people react, David, but...
it just doesn't feel that, like...
They're just not into each other, really.
It just feels very, like, shocking. Way more shocking than it is funny.
- Unless... - There has to be someone
- doing it for a reason, right? - Just Muhammad being in heaven
might make people uncomfortable enough. So, yeah...
But the bigger idea of, "Everyone's in heaven... "
- Which is very Christian. - Yeah.
It's very, like... "Well, now, bad people aren't there."
Well, they're all people and they had...
Some of them had difficult childhoods and...
- Yeah, they couldn't help it. - And God loves everyone.
I feel like you don't have to make it Muhammad.
It's a more challenging, smart "fuck you," to everything...
- Have the kids done that? - ... than that Jesus and Muhammad
are making out and French kissing, which is like...
It felt like Muhammad was
- more deliberately shock... - It's like the Charlie Hebdo cover.
Didn't they have Jesus and Muhammad kissing?
Well, that's an easy one to cut.
But no, that's what was David's original idea, so he...
Also the idea was that the dad...
- Right, but that's not it. - But that's not it.
That's not it. Right. No, so it's...
What if they're fucking each other's dicks?
"Calm down. He's a child.
And these are his words. They're not ours."
Psyched?
It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be really fun.
Let me see your not-smiley face. Practice it.
- Damn. - Aw, that's so good.
Like, "Boo." The audience boos and throws his book.
"Everybody gets... " Like, at the beginning,
"Everyone gets Cory's book for free today."
Then we're all throwing the book at him. And they run away.
And one of the books hits him in the head and he's on fucking life support.
- And, "What should we do?" - "Sue the author?"
No, no, no.
Boo! Boo, Cory! We don't like you.
We will not sit here and have you mock God
- as some all-forgiving monster. - No. No.
Right.
Yes. Yes!
- Get him. Get him. - Throw it at him.
- Those are his thoughts. - Yes!
- Boo! - Boo!
That was so funny.
Oh, man, uh...
Fuck.
And the first show, starting with "Resolutions,"
and then doing "Time Machine."
I also love starting on something quiet. All right, here we're playing...
Yeah, no. I know.
It's just gonna take all the critics, and all the audience and go,
"Turn off your fucking Mr. Show brain and watch what we're doing now."
At the end of it, can we say,
"Live from Hollywood, it's With Bob and David... "
"Live from Hollywood!"
And we have to shout it out.
Get Don Pardo's grandson...
Great-grandson... who is 84.
Sorry.
We're both really strong-minded, especially when it comes to comedy.
Very strong-minded about our ideas of...
Down to what's funny and what's not funny, or what's a proper way to...
How a sketch should unfold and what it should contain.
And, you know, when have you crossed a line?
And how do you convey this information to people?
What's trite? And all that stuff.
We're very strongly opinionated about that and don't always agree, either.
No, it's the question of, are we doing a celebration of us and our audience?
Or are we doing a new show that maybe takes a little more brainpower and...
But it's not an either-or. That's not a real situation.
Just because we might do "Real Time Machine"
and go into a different bit, or not do this,
doesn't mean we're celebrating 20 years of Mr. Show.
I mean, it's...
There are other ways that we can play with it.
We can have a cold open each time, that's live,
that's not necessarily a sketch, that may suffer a little bit,
but still does the thing you want to do.
Quiet opening, it's live, it's a piece.
I don't know what he said the other day. He said something like,
"We're different guys, but there's a crazy amount
of overlap between our brains."
And it's really true. I mean, we are able to go...
"You know, it should be this."
And then the other person goes, "Oh, right, of course."
Like, it's just rare that...
There's this kind of equal mix of "what matters in the sketch"
going on between us,
and an ability to talk about the piece,
and understand where the other person's coming from or what they're shooting for.
- Well, there's no rule here to me. - Right.
Another thing you could start with, now that you bring that up,
is the four Imams at the table, or the two Imams,
and they're ordering, and their friend isn't there yet.
- Right, yeah. - And they're just like...
- Right, right. - I want this but it's got to be a cow's...
That's the fucking idea. That's it, right there.
We start every show that way.
I don't wanna start every show the same way, David.
- No, but we start it with a thing that... - I just don't wanna do it.
... you don't know what it's about. It's odd, it's weird.
"Four Imams at the Ivy." We have no idea what that's about.
- And it comes back. - And it's literally 15 seconds of, like,
"Where is he?" You have no idea what it is.
- Yeah, but it's guns... - But it's really intriguing.
- Saying "hi," and... - It's cool. And they're like...
- ... and they're ordering food that... - "What the fuck is that about?"
No jokes. Just the weird thing.
Like, you do that and then, um...
It's not live, though.
- That's okay. Brian, I don't... - That's all right.
- It's like a weird... - I'm trying to...
... slow, cold open. I'm going off of that concept.
What?
The jig is up, Mike.
"Okay, what jig? The jig is up.
- What jig?" - The meat jig.
"You gotta quit with the...
the beefs and the...
fatties... fatty foods."
"Your triglycerides are off the chart."
"Your... "
"You have to stop eating meat, right now."
You've got to quit with the beef and the fatty foods.
Your triglycerides are off the charts.
But I love meat. Oh, can I still have those...
No! No turkey, no kosher, no meat.
How about pepperoni pizza?
This isn't funny, Mike.
"This ain't funny. This whole thing ain't funny."
None of this is funny.
- Yes. - None of this is funny.
Look, let me tell you, the next half hour of your...
Dead serious.
"Not beef."
Somewhere in every cold open, someone should say,
"This is not gonna be funny."
- "It's no laughing matter." - Nip it.
- "It's not funny." - Yeah.
"This is not funny."
Nothing's funny.
"You think this is some kind of show, mister?"
This isn't funny, Mike.
I'm not joking and this ain't no show, mister.
It's really a crazy, crazy partnership.
Because it's one of those things where you don't wanna analyze it too much
'cause you feel like, "I'll fuck it up if I think about it."
At the very end of the show, it's just Scott watching this on TV.
And then you see him being like...
And flipping the channel...
- Yeah. - ... and then taking the pepperoni out,
biting it and then the doctor rushing in and saying...
See, I think turning to camera and saying something like...
Now you're talking about, with both of these bookending the shows like that...
Right. And then this, the doctor rushes in and goes,
"Well, I did my best."
I did my best.
That's the show! Ladies and gentlemen, that is our show!
Bob Odenkirk, David Cross, Jay Johnston,
John Ennis, Brian Posehn,
Mary Lynn Rajskub, Scott Aukerman, Jill Talley...
- We shooting this? - Yes, sir.
Gotta stop sleeping in the car.
Ahh!
They're beautiful roses.
Ooh...
Look in the backyard. See if there's any roses there.
Make sure you see all the roses.
Make the lady show you all her roses.
Ha...
- Just... - Oh, thank you.
A little bit more water should do the trick.
More water, I'm gonna do that. Thank you.
Roses.
Uh, freeze.